Well, here I sit! 2131 here in New Jersey on June 5th, and I am sitting here in my bed, still in utter disbelief that we are leaving for a trip to Washington, D.C. tomorrow.
While I waited for more laundry to get done today, I sat and read some of my older entries that I had on our CaringBridge website. Things like being told that Michael may never wake up....he would never walk...never talk...we had to start over...it was like someone hit the reset button on him...things about Mackenzie, like how she could barely kick a ball, she couldn't write, and didn't have any of her basic math skills...all, at this point, almost inconceivable to us.
Now, here we are, almost four years later, with a trip that could only be conjured in a dream awaiting us. I simply cannot believe that this is really happening.
I have spoken at just about every event we have been to so far, and I say the same thing. I remember almost everyone we knew in 2006..family, friends, everyone...telling me that there had to be a reason for this. That there would be a light at the end of this tunnel. That, even though we couldn't fathom anything that could be so important, so valuable at the time, there was still a bigger reason for all of this horrible sadness and tragedy.
THIS is it.
By that, I don't mean the trip itself. I mean that through just the experiences we have had with Children's Miracle Network so far, I know my children and the pain and suffering they have gone through-it's HELPED another child. When I go to these Wal*Mart's, the Costco's, the Dance Marathons, and tell their story, you can see these people, and their motivation brewing inside of them to sell those balloons and help this great organization-and it's all because of MY Champions, and the other Champions out there just like them.
My mother, Sue, she was probably the most amazing person to ever walk the earth. I am sure lots of people say that about their moms, but there are also a lot that don't. My mother was special. She had a special purpose here with us. Her love was unconditional, and went further than anything you could imagine. Her death amongst all of this, no longer feels so much in vain. Why? Because she LOVED children-AND, she was a MOM! She would be so honored, so beside herself to know that through her death, and through this tragedy, something beautiful has come of it all. I know, as painful as it even is to say out loud, that deep in my heart, she is smiling above at all of this. Cheering with all the employees at Wal*Mart during the kick-off...dancing with all the college kids at the Dance Marathon....getting a good whiff of those awesome pancakes at IHOP on Pancake Day-and all for the sake of the children. My God, she would be SO HAPPY.
Of course, the selfish side of me wishes more than anything that my mom could be HERE with us right now, to experience all of this happiness with us..to hug us and the kids and hold us and wish us well on our trip. But, it is okay for now. It is okay because someday, when it's my time, I am going to get the biggest hug ever from her, and I KNOW that we have made her proud. Even further, we have honored her memory in the way that she would want it to be...with LOVE.